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All my years of brawling, of pummeling the unsuspecting and the deserving, have yielded two insights. You can either fight, or you can run. All other strategies are variations of these.
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Modified: August 09 2006.
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"Just Another Day at the Death Matches?"

Author: Sid6.9 ()
Date: 2000-03-12 00:00:00


(This is an in-character post of the Friday Night War Room Death Matches. If you are not a death match fan then I would suggest hitting the back button now. Okay, still with me, well here we go…)

Sid6.9 is busying himself in his office looking over several pieces of paper that the secret agent rRaminrodt had given him. Sid6.9 is talking and mumbling to himself while he looks them over, suddenly there is a knock at the door…

Sid6.9 (To himself)- What the hell, there isn’t anyone even here today? * Knock, knock *

Sid6.9 reaches under his desk taking hold of the chrome plated .45 he has latched under the desk, hits a red button on the desk…

Sid6.9 (Warily)- Umm, come in?

The door to his office creaks open slowly as a tall, thin man with dark shades and wearing a conservative business suit comes in flanked by 2 similarly dressed individuals. The man in the shades motions for the other two and the walk out closing the door behind them…

Sid6.9 (Releasing the gun)- * Sigh * rRaminrodt, I thought you might be DebtAngel looking for his money for this week.

rRaminrodt (Looking around the room then to Sid6.9)- Well I wouldn’t exactly relax there Mr. 6.9.

Sid6.9 (A little nervous)- Umm, heh, heh, what do you mean?

rRaminrodt- Have you had a chance to evaluate the papers that I had brought you?

Sid6.9- Yes, I looked them over, but I don’t understand what the gove….

rRaminrodt holds up a hand to silence Sid6.9, he pulls out a hand held machine and turns it on, sweeping over the room…

Sid6.9- What in the heavens are you doing?

rRaminrodt does not say a word, he just continues to move along with his hand held device as it beeps occasionally. After he completely circles the room he returns to the front of the desk and pockets the hand held device…

SId6.9- Okay, what is the deal, why are you guys doing this to me?

rRaminrodt- It is very simple Mr. 6.9. We intend to squeeze you, and squeeze everything this place is worth understand! * While poking a finger at Sid6.9 *

Sid6.9- I understand that this is blackmail. What do I have to offer? I mean the Death Matches aren’t exactly something I thought the gove…

rRaminrodt holds up his hand once again…

rRaminrodt- You have the documents, and you know what we can do to you if you do not comply. Do not make the same mistake again Mr. 6.9.

rRaminrodt turns to leave just as Sid6.9 gets up from his desk…

Sid6.9- But wait, what about my partner, DebtAngel, he won’t want to go along with this, I mean he’s not going to agree!

rRaminrodt (From over his shoulder)- True, we have nothing on him, so I guess he is your problem, since we have your nuts in the vise. And believe me Mr. 6.9 we will crush them * Snap * just like that. (As he snaps his fingers)

Sid6.9 watches as he leaves and nervously sits down at his desk. Wondering to himself on what exactly he will do. Sid6.9 picks up the papers again and looks them over. He puts his hands in his face and begins to get worried, knowing what is going to happen if he doesn’t participate. Sid6.9 lays his head on the table trying to think of a way out of this…

(Knock, Knock)

Sid6.9 (Pulls his head up from the desk)- What the? (Looks at the clock) Oh man, it’s 9pm, oh crap I musta feel asleep.

(Knock, Knock)

Sid6.9 rears his head to the door, and sees a giant shape standing on the other side. The shape of his partner, DebtAngel. He immediately hits the red button and stands to greet him…

Sid6.9- Hey DebtAngel how are y…

DebtAngel- Silence! Why did you have me waiting for so long. I do not wait for no mortal man.

Sid6.9- Umm, heh, heh, I’m sorry, I fell asleep and didn’t hear you.

DebtAngel- Hmmph, figures. You haven’t been handling business very well lately Sid. And I am very displeased by it. Now where is my money?

Sid6.9 hands over a envelope full of money to the large DebtAngel. He grabs the envelope and turns it over looking at it, then back to Sid6.9…

DebtAngel- This envelope is considerably short this week Sid, what is the big idea! (As he takes a step closer to him)

Sid6.9- I’m sorry DebtAngel, this week was a bad week, with all the deaths and everything. I mean I didn’t expect what happened and with 3 people dying, funeral costs were well, high.

DebtAngel- Then bury them in the backyard of your house. I don’t care what you have to do, I want my money, understand. * As he puts a finger into his chest *

Sid6.9 (Nervously)- Yes, yes, I understand sir, I will have your money, I promise. This week is going to be a death match to remember. You just wait and see, it will be awesome.

DebtAngel- It better be or…(As DebtAngel holds up his hand in a fist and cracks all of his knuckles)

Sid6.9- * Gulp *

DebtAngel takes the money turns and starts to leave. As he reaches the door, he looks behind him at Sid and laughs, then leaves the room. Sid6.9 meanwhile sits down and begins to sob over what he is going to do. On one hand he has some damn secret agency for the gove…(A magical hand appears) trying to take over his Death Matches. And on the other a money grubby thug that has no interest in the Death Matches or him, all he wants is his money, and nothing more. What will I do? What can I do? Who will help me?

Sid6.9 goes a mile a minute with thinking, then realizes who he can count on to get him out of this jam. But would he want to help? He isn’t exactly happy with me right now, will he help out? Sid6.9 turns to the phone and looks up the number on the card he pulled from the cardex file. Sid6.9 dials the number and when a person answers…

Sid6.9- Yeah hi, umm, who is this speaking? Uh-huh, well who the hell is MysteryMan? Uh-huh. Okay. I see. Oh all right, well is Y2T there? He isn’t? Do you know when he will be back? Okay. No, no that’s okay I will call back another time. Umm, thanks anyways.

Sid6.9 hangs up the phone, looks around the office and realizing he can’t do anything further tonight decides to head home, if he has a home left.

Next Day…

Y2T arrives to the Death Match arena in his Lexus, gets out from the car and breathes in the fresh air. Another man, slightly taller than Y2T gets out as well, looks at him with excited eyes…

MysteryMan- So Tridus, is today the day I get to fight?

Y2T- Heh, heh, no, I don’t think so young grasshopper. You have a long way to go today.

MysteryMan- Aww man, no fair, I want to do some damage.

Y2T- Heh. heh, I don’t think so young one, remember, last night and the tackling dummy?

MysteryMan- No, what about it.

Y2T (Starts to giggle to himself)- Well okay if you want the readers to know.

MysteryMan- Okay, okay Tridus I see your point. No need letting them know about that. So what are we going to do today.

Y2T- Ahh yes, today I am going to teach you how to excite the fans.

MysteryMan- Really, how we going to do that? Give them money right!

Y2T- Nope.

MysteryMan- Promise them outrageous things, then don’t come through?

Y2T- Nope.

MysteryMan- Then what?

Y2T- Just watch and learn young one. Tridus will show you the proper way to excite the fans, the only way Y2T can.

MysteryMan- Okay, but isn’t it harder to piss them off?

Y2T- Ha, ha, ha, you are truly inexperienced aren’t you? It is very easy to make fun of the fans.

MysteryMan- For example?

Y2T- Well like making fun of their favorite sports team, or personalities. Heck making fun of me is one sure way of getting the fans to make them hate you.

MysteryMan- Yeah but what if they agree that they hate those teams, or god forbid it, you.

Y2T- Ha, ha, no one hates the “Iootolah of rock and rolla” young one. But for the sake of arguing. Another step in getting them to hate you is attacking the announcers. Attacking Master Sidious will surely give you big heat against most of the male fans. Attacking Big Sexy, is a definite way of getting all the fans to hate you.

MysteryMan (Making a note)- Attack Big Sexy if you want all the fans to hate you!

Y2T- Oh hold on there! Don’t write that down MysteryMan. You don’t want the female fans mad at you. The male ones, sure, who cares about them. You want the female fans on your side. So no attacking Big Sexy, unless you are a loner like FO HEAD, and are scared of girls.

MysteryMan- Damn Tridus, all this stuff is hard to remember.

Y2T- Well that’s why you are here to learn.

MysteryMan- Okay, so what about attacking the ref, or Mother Love?

Y2T- Never hit a women son, I can’t exclaim that more. You will never hit a lady.

MysteryMan- That’s what I was thinking, I just wanted to know what you thought.

Y2T- Well as far as Shockwave goes. I’d say unless you don’t want your ass kicked after the fight, I would leave him alone. Or at least don’t let him know you are the one that hit him.

MysteryMan- Okay cool, so that’s how to piss off the fans. So what about having them cheer you on? How do I do that?

Y2T- Follow me

Tridus and MysteryMan walk down the hallway and over by the entrance to where they walk out. Y2T talks to the production guy and peers out the curtain at the stragglers that are hanging out in the forum…

Y2T- Excellent, at least 200 people out there. This should be a really excellent demonstration for you.

MysteryMan looks out the curtain as well then turns to Tridus…

MysteryMan- Do I get to come out with you?

Y2T- Heh, heh, no not yet, I don’t want you out there yet until you are ready. Just stand back here by the monitor while I go out there and do my thing. And pay attention! I see you looking at the Death Match dancers.

MysteryMan- Ohh heh, heh, sorry Tridus…

Tridus motions to the stage hand, and he hits several buttons and switches as MysteryMan hears the fans scream at first, then suddenly cheer as he hears the countdown clock go off. After the last * Beep * there is an enormous bit of silence. Almost an eternity passed by for MysteryMan as he sees Y2T’s sillouhette standing there, then * Kaboom * the fireworks shoot off and MysteryMan comes halfway out of his skin from the explosion. Funny though MysteryMan thought, Tridus didn’t even flinch at the explosion. MysteryMan watches as Tridus walks out towards the crowd, stopping at the edge of the ramp and with a pouty expression stares at the fans. Looking to his right at first, then slowly scans to his left. Tridus makes a smirk and kisses his hand, then blows it from left to right. MysteryMan is amazed at how the fans react to him. Cheers of “Y2T” can be heard loudly as there is only 200 fans where there is usually 15,000 on Fridays. MysteryMan becomes mesmerized on Tridus as he lifts the microphone to his lips…

Y2T- Ahhh yes my Tridaholics, your savior has come back to the Death Matches!! * The fans begin a rousing cheer of “Y2T Rules” “Y2T Rules” “Y2T Rules”! * Now this last few weeks have been disturbing for your hero, me! Why? Because Sid6.9 still is putting on these lame boring death matches, well you know what I say! Y2T says stop boring the “Tridaholics”! I know you all are tired of the boring matches he has been putting on. Well I say let Sid know who you want to see. That you want to have your hero, everyone’s here, Y2T being at the forefront of Death Match Entertainment! * The fans start an even louder cheer for “Y2T” * (Tridus lifts his hand to quite them) Now I know that you want me, and I want to be out here for you. But Sidister there in the back is denying you your hero! Are you going to stand for it? * The fans cheer loudly “NO!”* Then what are you going to do? I know what you should do. Go to Sid6.9, tell him that you never, and I mean e-e-e-e-e-ever want to be bored agaaaaiiinnn! Tell him you want the “Iootolah of rock and rolla” each and every death match. (Starts getting excited) Tell him that the boredom ends now!

The fans go absolutely insane as Tridus backs away blowing kisses to the crowd then disappears behind the curtain, where a wide-eyed MysteryMan is waiting…

MysteryMan- Wow, that was totally awesome!

Y2T- Yep, and that was probably my worst preformance. But it doesn’t matter though, see, cause once you are over with the fans you can say anything and they will love, or hate you. Hell I could probably go out there and fart the national anthem and they would cheer loudly for me, heh, heh.

MysteryMan- Wow, so when do I get to greet the fans?

Y2T- Ahh first we have to get you over.

MysteryMan- Okay………..ummm, how do I do that?

Y2T- Well the easiest way is to kill someone that is a bad man in the ring. Much like if you killed Flutie in the ring, ohh you would be so over if you did that.

MysteryMan- Okay then, so I’ll challenge Flutie!

Y2T- Ho, ho, ho, ha, ha, ha calm down there MysteryMan, one thing at a time. First we need to work on your entrance, your style, in which I didn’t mention needs lots of work, and not to mention finish your training as a fighter.

MysteryMan- Okay then wha…

Tridus holds up a hand just as Sid6.9 comes walking over…

Y2T (To MysteryMan)- Shh, don’t say anything.

MysteryMan doesn’t say anything, just stands there in awe as the boss approaches them…

SId6.9- Tridus, good to see you.

Y2T- Heh, heh, I wouldn’t say the same.

Sid6.9- Look I heard what you said, and like I said before, I give you mic time, backstage time, and any other time you want. Why do you always have to be on me about letting you in the ring every week.

Y2T- Because Sidister, that’s what my fans, my Tridaholics want. Anyway what do you want?

SId6.9 (Looks at MysteryMan)- Umm can I talk to you in private for a minute?

Y2T looks at MysteryMan, then nods for him to leave. MysteryMan looks depressed at first, but eventually does leave…

Sid6.9- So, umm, who is that, he looks familiar?

Y2T- Doh, I should say so, you fired him.

Sid6.9- Oh hey, that was Sweeping Forumer #1 right?

Y2T- Yeah, but he is now MysteryMan.

Sid6.9- Oh, I see, so what is he, like your chrony or something?

Y2T- No, he is in training.

Sid6.9- Really, is he any good?

Y2T (Thinks for a second then shrugs)- He’s coming around. Listen, is this what you want to talk to me about, my protégé?

Sid6.9- No, no, actually I need your help.

Y2T- Heh, heh, that doesn’t surprise me Sidister, you always need my help. So what is it this time?

Sid6.9- We can’t talk about right here. Come with me…

And Sid6.9 leads Tridus over to the water cooler and proceeds to tell him what he needs. Y2T stands there nodding at some things, getting wide eyed and mouthing “Holy crap” at others. When it is all said and done Y2T walks back over to MysteryMan with a huge smile on his face, while Sid6.9 scurries off in the opposite direction. MysteryMan looks to Tridus and asks…

MysteryMan- Hey Tridus, so what’s up? Looks like you are happy with what Sid told ya.

Y2T- Oh yeah.

MysteryMan- So you gonna tell your trusted lackey what’s up?

Y2T- Well I can’t, but what I can tell you is in a few short days, the Death Matches will never, and I mean e-e-e-e-ever be the same again!

Tridus begins to laugh as MysteryMan just stares at him, then starts to snicker as well.

Y2T- Come on kid, let’s get out of here.

And MysteryMan and Y2T head out of the death match arena

and into Y2T’s car and head out.


Sid6.9- "If weird was a person, he'd be me!" :-)

"Just Another Day at the Death Matches?" - Sid6.9 - 2000-03-12 00:00:00
-No one tells me anything...=) - Reed - 2000-03-12 00:00:00
-Its good to be bad! - rRaminrodt - 2000-03-12 00:00:00
--Isn't it though? - The Lord DebtAngel - 2000-03-13 00:00:00