hmm....Author: Tridus ()
Date: 2000-05-17 00:00:00
hmm... well first of all, swearing is allowed, especially in a post like that. :)
On Wednesday, May 17, 2000 at 8:42:21 PM WizardSlayer wrote:
>*Sigh* Girls, girls, girls.
>Go back about a month, I'm walking down the free way with my friends "Po", and Danielle. So me and Danielle hug and Po just comes out and says "Danielle,
>... than after going out previously with two girls (Jamie, and Ronda) whom of, one used me to make another guy jealous, and the other went out with me for pitty and ended up dumping me for another guy; it was hard to trust that Danielle actually liked me. So I tended to push her away, but she kept pulling me closer, than I just gave in, but it made me depressed somewhat because I was so attatched and all I could think was "She doesn't love me, this is fake this whole relationship is a sham and unreal ... she's gonna dump me for another guy, or she just doesn't like me she's using me. This is all fake!". So eventually she ended up dumping me 'cause I was 'Too difficult'. We remained friends, we kept in contact and everything of course. But sense the relationship ended and I had nothing to worry about anymore ... I became normal again ... or so I thought.
>I noticed, eventaully, that I was missing something. I couldn't point my finger at it though, I didn't know what it was, I was in-complete. Than I noticed that I was lonly, I felt un-loved, I felt alone. I needed somebody to love and to, in return be loved. I never felt this way with Jamie or Ronda, than I noticed that was because I was never loved in return. So thusly Danielle must have loved me. So I thusly, grew depressed again. I still loved Danielle. But she had a new boyfriend. So I was ... well ... in a world of sh-- *beep* --t.
>... just recently though something weird happened. I was walking in the hall between classes at school. I passed Danielle (Keep in mind we're still friends) she said "I love you." It didn't make sense to me so I just concluded I misheard it. The next day (Yesterday) she said:
> "Ryan, Clair and I are gonna go over to Hendys today, you wanna go? We're gonna watch a movie, order pizza, and play Tony Hawk. Just a little friend thingy, you know?"
> "How am I gonna get there?"
> "Just ride the bus with me."
> "Okay sure."
>So after school I met by Danielles locker. We both started talking about various things. Than I brought up this:
> "... hey in the halls yesterday ... you said something, I couldn't make it out though, what'd you say exactly?"
> "... Oh! nothing, it was on a dare by Tim Banar."
> "... but what'd you say?"
> "Tim told me to say it to f-- *beep* --ck with your mind. He told me to say "I love you."
> "Oh. You confessed your love to me to merely f-- *beep* --ck with my mind. Extremly nice. Any-Hoo"
Thats either the worlds most pathetic lie, or its true. I'm not sure which one, becase as they say... "Truth is stranger then fiction".
> So then we got on the bus and got dropped off at Hendys stop. We got off, ordered the pizza and a 2-Liter bottle of Pepsi and went downstairs. I hooked up Hendys new stereo system to the 5-Disk CD Changer put in a few rock, punk, and techno-rock, CD's. (Including StainD ... Hell yeah!). We played a bit of air-hockey and Tony Hawk for N64. Well not so much we as I was sitting on the couch sprawled over depressed as hell. I sat there thinking "God, she's so great ... I love her to death! She's the only person in the world that completes me, but with out her I feel hollow, I feel empty and cold. She doesn't know how importent she is to me, how much I need her. But she loves somebody else now, I'll never be with her again, I'll be a hollow shell for the rest of my life." So she came up to me and asked whats wrong, I told her it was nothing about 5 times. Than I said:
> "Honestly? You want to know what's wrong?"
> "I still love you. 'Cept I screwed up bad and now I'll never be with you again."
>Then thanks to the lousyness of my short-term memory I can't remember what happened after that ... damn. Then I remember I played Tony Hawk a little and it took my mind off Danielle and I was restored to normality for a short while. Then we shut off the music and Tony Hawk and watched The Matrix. Me and Danielle sat next to eachother. Umm ... on the same cushion of the couch ... with the seat reclined and the foot rest up ... with my arm around her ... rubbing our feet together ... I was pretty comfortable ...
hmm... well thats a good thing.
>Now my memory fails again and I can't remember what exactly happened ... but apparently Danielle some how began playing with the Tech-Deck and mini-skate park ... she walked over by the couch, which I was still sitting on, then she stared up at me ... and I stared back at her and our eyes caught eachother and we sat there and gazed into eachothers eyes ... then Danielles stupid dyke-ass he-she-beast friend ruined the moment by saying:
> "Aww look! There having loving eye sex ... Danielle, you have a boyfriend!"
>Trying to act like it didn't really bother me, and to take focus away from her remark I replyed.
> "... as opposed to what? Hate sex?"
Good call, sarcastic replies work wonders when used properly. :)
Maybe she doesn't really love this boyfriend and is just going out with him for something to do... although I've never done that, some other people I know have.
>Then later after me and Danielle constantly following eachother and Clair bitching Danielle out for following me when she has a boyfriend, and also every second I wasn't near Danielle thinking about her and getting depressed over her. We went to the theater where Danielle and Clair work together and saw "Screwed" (Funny, FUNNY! Movie by the way.)
>After the movie I began to take some more of Clairs shit ... yelling at me for still loving Danielle. Me being depresed over it. Just plain being mean and making fun of me. (IE "You fuckin' loser!" "Poser!" "Nobody likes you go away!") Between to (Open windowed, indoor) restaraunts I finally snapped:
> "You f-- *beep* --cking bi-- *beep* --ch ... I'm sick of taking your sh-- *beep* --t all day long! I love Danille, okay? No matter what she could want me to drop off the face of the earth and I still wouldn't care! So why don't you just drop the stupid dyke-ass hard-ass routine and just leave me the f-- *beep* --ck alone!!!" Than I took the rest of the pizza I was eating and shoved it into her face and ran off to the payphones to call my dad to pick me up.
Hmm... well thats certainly one way. Generally better off to learn how to ignore people like that whose opinions don't really matter anyway, however shoving pizza in the face may deter her from saying anything stupid in the future.
(or maybe not)
>This morning Danielle ran up to me before school hugged me and said:
> "Your not dead! Yay!"
>So apparently she wasn't mad at me for spazzing.
>So just now, Clair IM's me saying I f-- *beep* --cked up bad and that Danielle hates me. That she doesn't love me and loves her new boyfriend and want's me to just leave her alone ... oh! And that nobody cares about me. (Which is, of course, why Danielle was so happy I'm not dead.) Apparently she came to feel this way some time between when we gazed into eachothers eyes and smiled like we did, and after she came up to me yelled "Your not dead! Yay!" and hugged me.
Claire sounds like an idiot.
>I wrote this all down for two reasons: 1) I'm venting to all of you and was just curious about the feedback I'd get. 2) I just can't figure out whether she loves me again (The gazing into eachothers eyes, and the hugging.), if she just wants to be friends, or if she actually hates me (Clair's rambling, and the 'f-- *beep* --cking with my mind.')
Can't really say I know what to tell you, I don't know these people that well. I do know that I wouldn't give anything that Claire says a second thought, she doesn't sound like she's worth listening to.
You can't change a stubborn mind... you can't see the world if your eyes are blind. What does it matter anyway... in our darkest hour, all just shades of grey... - Amanda Marshall
... I'm in a world of sh-- *beep* --t. (Long) - Un-King WizardSlayer - 2000-05-17 00:00:00
-hmm.... - Tridus - 2000-05-17 00:00:00
--... your in a 'Hmm'-ie mood today aren't you? =) Well ... true ... Clair is an idiot. - Un-King WizardSlayer - 2000-05-17 00:00:00
-One word: ouch - kwerkey - 2000-05-17 00:00:00
--Location: I live in a van down by the river. YAY!!-snl - lil bo shepherd - 2000-05-17 00:00:00