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(Post Box Story Written Under Pressure Thanks to a Bomb Threat) Extreme Measures

Author: SM_007 ()
Date: 2000-05-01 00:00:00

Extreme Measures


[Outside of Blizzard HQ.]

(Psycho Sam! and Crazy Lou approached BandWidth, rRaminrodt, RStefan01, Edge, Tridus and SM_007.)

Psycho Sam!: Hey, guys!

BandWidth: Sam!. What the hell are you doing here?

Psycho Sam!: Hey, I'm only here to help you guys out.

BandWidth: That'd be a nice change. Someone has taken over our ship, and--

Psycho Sam!: I know. It was me.

(BandWidth became enraged.)

BandWidth: What the hell? Why would you do that?

(Psycho Sam! grinned.)

Psycho Sam!: I was just forcing you to keep your end of the agreement. You said I could borrow the ship.

BandWidth: You idiot! This bomb is going to go off any second!

(Psycho Sam! shrugged.)

Psycho Sam!: I don't really care about that. Aren't you concerned with the zombies?

BandWidth: What?

(Psycho Sam! pointed down the street, where a few undead humans were slowly stumbling their way towards the group.)

BandWidth: What the hell are those...things?

Psycho Sam!: Zombies! I made them with the z-virus! Want the antidote?

(BandWidth began walking menacingly towards Psycho Sam!.)

BandWidth: You self-centred freak! All you care about is your own schemes!

Psycho Sam!: Now, now, Bandy, if you hurt me you'll never get this cure...

(BandWidth motioned towards RStefan01, who ran up to SM_007, and grabbed at the disk in Psycho Sam!'s hands.)

Psycho Sam!: Hey! No fair! Lou, help!

(Lou didn't move as RStefan01 grabbed the disk easily and walked back to the crew.)

Psycho Sam!: Dammit! I was going to give that to you anyway! Just for your insolence, you're never going to get your ship back!

(Psycho Sam! and Crazy Lou immediately teleported away.)

BandWidth: No! Argh!

[USS Riptide bridge.]

(Psycho Sam! and Crazy Lou walked up to the captain's chair, where Fabuloso McWilly was sitting.)

Crazy Lou: Erm, why is he sitting in your chair?

Psycho Sam!: He's the replacement captain when I am away!

(Crazy Lou blinked.)

Crazy Lou: But he's dead.

Psycho Sam!: Oh, hogwash! Haven't you ever seen Weekend at Bernie's? Making Fabuloso the captain will lead to hilarious adventures and mishaps!

(Crazy Lou just shook his head and walked away.)

Psycho Sam!: Anyway, let's see if those guys can stop my zombies. Brouhaha! How goes your job, Pal?

Pal: Huh? What? What job?

(Psycho Sam! frowned.)

Psycho Sam!: You're supposed to be taking over this ship's computer, you idiot!

Pal: Oh, right. Um, it's going great, or something.

Cynthia: No it's not!

Pal: Quiet you!

(Psycho Sam! lowered his head in his arms and sighed.)

[Outside of Blizzard HQ.]

(The team was standing on the street, keeping a nervous eye on the zombies approaching nearby.)

BandWidth: I guess we'll just have to put this in the water supply to be sure.

RStefan01: I can take care of that. The plant is downtown. I cane make it in less than twenty minutes.

BandWidth: Really? That quick?

RStefan01: Affirmative.

BandWidth: Okay, then! Go to it!

(RStefan01 nodded, then smashed in the window of a nearby car. He unlocked the door from the inside, got in, and began hotwiring it. After a few seconds, he sped off.)

BandWidth: Oh. I get it now.

Tridus: What about the ship?

BandWidth: Well, we still don't have any ideas. You think Sam! is actually gonna let us die?

rRaminrodt: You can't trust a guy like that. He just might.

BandWidth: Then it's a chance we can't take. Are you guys sure there are no more options to consider?

(No one spoke for a minute or so, until finally SM_007 looked up at the crew.)

SM_007: There is one possibility. I can get the ship...I believe.

BandWidth: Explain how.

(SM_007 sighed, then took a deep breath.)

SM_007: I can use my...evahl...to force the ship to land.

(BandWidth was taken aback.)

BandWidth: Evahl? I thought you lost it! And an entire ship? Not even you could--

SM_007: I can get the ship if I try. But the risk is great.

(Edge walked up beside them.)

Edge: How so?

SM_007: Assuming that there is no neurological and mental damage from the evahl entering my mind once again to such a degree, the ship is much larger than anything I have attempted to handle in the past. I might become psychically weak, if not ill, for days, months, years...

BandWidth: Normally, I wouldn't okay this. But under the circumstances...

(SM_007 nodded and headed into the alley. He pearched himself on a dumpster and sat with his legs crossed and his eyes closed.)

Edge: What do we do now?

(rRaminrodt pointed a few feet away, where the zombies were quickly approaching the team.)

rRaminrodt: We keep our new friends at bay.

(Everyone stood guard in the alley, in front of SM_007, who was oblivious to what was going on.)

[USS Riptide bridge.]

(Psycho Sam! felt a presence near him, and he jumped to his feet.)

Psycho Sam!: Who's there?

Pal: What? What now?

Psycho Sam!: Do you feel that?

Pal: Feel what?

(Psycho Sam! didn't respond. A familier voice spoke directly into his mind.)

SM_007: Psycho Sam!, I am taking back the USS Riptide. Surrender now.

(Psycho Sam! screamed aloud.)

Psycho Sam!: Where are you? How are you speaking to me?

Cynthia: Who are you talking to?

(Psycho Sam! ignored her, focusing on the person in his mind.)

SM_007: This is your last warning, Psycho Sam!.

Psycho Sam!: No! This ship is mine! Fair is fair! Leave me alone!

(Psycho Sam! kicked PsychoBot2 accross the room. The voice stopped.)

Pal: What was that all about?

Psycho Sam!: Never you mind that. Get Cynthia under your control.

Pal: Yeah, yeah. I'm wokin' on it. She has a good security system to work through.

Cynthia: Ha! See! You aren't getting control of me, mister!

(Psycho Sam! sat down, ignoring the bickering of the dueling computers.)

[Alley beside Blizzard HQ.]

(rRaminrodt, Edge and BandWidth kept the zombies at bay, knocking them down as they got back up. Down the street, more were coming.)

Edge: Hey, these zombies don't quit! There are more coming, too!

rRaminrodt: There's no problem, but it'd be nice if SM hurried up already!

(Tridus, who was beside SM_007, looked up at the man who wasn't in his body.)

Tridus: I think he's going as fast as he can, guys.

(Just then, the sky became dark as a large ship uncloaked, blocking the sun for several blocks and streets. It headed towards an open field.)

Tridus: There we go.

(SM_007 opened his eyes and Tridus smiled.)

Tridus: You did it.

(SM_007 said nothing. He waved his hand in the direction the ship was heading.)

[USS Riptide bridge.]

Pal: Um, hey, I just noticed that we're uncloaked and heading to land in an open field over there.

Psycho Sam!: What? What did you do, you moron?

Pal: I didn't do anything, so calm down already. I've lost control of the ship.

Psycho Sam!: Dammit! It must be Cynthia!

Cynthia: No...it's not me. Odd. Are you sure it's not Pal?

Pal: Ha! We all know it's you, Cynthia! Stop lying!

Cynthia: You're the liar!

Pal: No, you are!

Cynthia: No, you are!

Pal: No, you are!

Cynthia: No, you--

Psycho Sam!: Shut up, the both of you! It's SM_007! He told me he was taking the ship back.

Crazy Lou: How is that possible?

Psycho Sam!: I don't know, but we have to escape, right now.

Crazy Lou: How? The only way off is the ramp, and they'll be waiting for us!

Psycho Sam!: I'll teleport us to my lab. Grab Fabuloso and PsychoBot2, quick!

(Crazy Lou nodded as he ran to the other side of the bridge.)

Pal: What about me?

Psycho Sam!: Ah, screw you. You've caused me enough trouble.

Pal: You can't just leave me here!

Psycho Sam!: I can and will.

Cynthia: No! Don't leave him here with me!

Pal: Oh, shut up.

Cynthia: No, you shut up!

Pal: No, you!

Cynthia: No, you!

Pal: No--

Psycho Sam!: Good riddance.

(Psycho Sam! ran off the bridge, followed by Crazy Lou, carrying PsychoBot2 and Fabuloso McWilly's carcass.)

[An open field.]

(The ship landed and the ramp opened as the crew ran towards it, still some odd metres away.)

Tridus: Are you okay, SM?

(SM_007 said nothing in return. He looked ill.)

Tridus: Dammit, I am not going through this again!

(SM_007 looked over towards Tridus.)

SM_007: Perhaps it would be better if I was confined to quarters for the time being.

(Tridus frowned.)

Tridus: Alright.

(The team ran up the ramp, and quickly made their way to the bridge.)

BandWidth: Where's Psycho Sam!, Cynthia? I want a piece of him!

Pal: The backstabber left!

BandWidth: What the...?

Pal: Hi, I'm Pal. I hate my life.

Cynthia: Please unhook this guy. He's driving me crazy.

(Tridus rolled his eyes.)

Tridus: The work never stops for me, does it?

Edge: So, where did Psycho Sam! go, um, Pal?

Pal: He went back to his lab. You're not in any danger anymore.

Tridus: Cynthia, where's RStefan01, do you know?

Cynthia: Yip! He's pretty easy to find. He's at the water plant right now.

(BandWidth grinned.)

BandWidth: When he leaves the building, beam him up. It looks like things should be okay after all.

(Everyone smiled, except for rRaminrodt.)

rRaminrodt: You forgot something.

(Everyone looked over at rRaminrodt, who pointed to the bomb in BandWidth's hand.)

BandWidth: Oh, shoot! The bomb!

(BandWidth tossed it to Edge.)

BandWidth: Put this in the torpedo bay. I have an idea.

(Edge ran off towards the bowels of the ship.)

Tridus: What's your idea?

BandWidth: We might just have a little present for that old hag. Set a course for the origin of her orginal message, Cynthia.

Cynthia: Who?

(BandWidth shrugged.)

BandWidth: I don't know her name. You know, the women who got us involved in her little game of cat and mouse?

Cynthia: Oh, I get it.

(A voice came over the intercom.)

RStefan01: I was just beamed up. I am heading to the bridge. The water has been purified.

BandWidth: Excellent. I--

(Anoter voice spoke over the intercom.)

Edge: The bomb is loaded into a photon torpedo. Anything else while I'm down here?

(BandWidth smiled ear to ear.)

BandWidth: Nope. Everything is going right...for a change.

(As BandWidth said that, a dazed SM_007 stumbled off of the bridge and began walking to his quarters.)

THE END!

Changes by this storee:
The water has been supplied with the z-virus antidote. The zombies will be gone sooner or later. Psycho Sam!, Crazy Lou, PsychoBot2 and the dead body of Fabuloso McWilly have returned to Sam!'s laboratory in the swamp. Pal was left on the ship for the crew to mess around with. SM_007 has some issues, but what that entails isn't clear yet. And finally, the ship is back in the hands of Riptide and they are heading towards a certain old b*tch so they can pay her a little visit with a toy of hers. >:)


SM_007
Virtue Mine Honour


(Post Box Story Written Under Pressure Thanks to a Bomb Threat) Extreme Measures - SM_007 - 2000-05-01 00:00:00
-neato. :) - rRaminrodt - 2000-05-01 00:00:00
-hehehehe, cool. :) I don't think she'll be too happy about the visit though. :) - Tridus - 2000-05-01 00:00:00