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(Post Box Storee) Rage

Author: SM_007 ()
Date: 2000-04-27 00:00:00

Rage


"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate...leads to suffering."
-Yoda, Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace


It sounded like screaming, really. A million voices of a million children, screaming in terror, too far away to make out, but close enough to drive one utterly mad. They were inside of his head, and they wouldn't get out. They wanted him to do things...things that SM_007 thought he could abandon forever. His head throbbed as the intensity of the voices increased. Were they trying to warn him, help him, or command him? He didn't know, but he knew why they were inside of his mind, a fact he continuously tried to ignore.

Suddenly, one scream in particular seemed close. In fact, it seemed to be right beside SM_007, who spun around in complete shock. No one was there. Once SM_007 spun around, a cold sweat now drenching his clothing, everything became silent. No screams, no fear, nothing. All that SM_007 could hear was his own heavy, cold breathing as he sat motionless on the foot of his bed. The screams had left, but not before one final voice, that of what seemed to be a child, drilled into his head, an urgency he could not understand. But it was near him, now, he was sure of that.

Now in less pain, SM_007 walked accross his dark room to his door. As he slowly sauntered his way over to it, he assumed that it would open, that he would be free to roam this damned ship...free to do whatever he pleased. But as SM_007 came to the door, nothing happened. He stood at it, staring, thinking perhaps that his gaze, his dark and sinister gaze would have the power alone to open the door to his room. At all costs, he wanted this door open, so he could show the others that he could not be held by their conventional...

No. That would not happen. A look of anguish crossed the face of SM_007 as he began to see how much hatred was brewing inside of him. He knew now that Tridus has seen it, as had Edge. They no longer trusted him, and he was sure that they would go back and tell the others that SM_007 is not to be trusted. They would all conspire to keep SM_007 in this room, so they would not have to see him, to think about him, to - he was doing it again. Letting his emotions get the better of him. SM_007 sighed, long and heavy, before sitting down on the end of his bed once more. He was trapped, here, now, and his own actions led to this. He could not blame the others for making their decision, could he?

"Let me out!" SM_007 screamed, at the top of his lungs. As he let out with this rage, building up inside of him, he heard them once more. The screaming was now becoming more clear. They were asking him to leave his room, to let them in. They wanted him back. They wanted to be inside of him once more. They wanted SM_007 to open himself up and embrace everything they had to offer him. He knew that if he did so, he would have the power to make anything his. It was a life he wanted so desperately to give up, but it was a life of control, a life of promises and a life of power. If he had that now, he could take this ship, take whatever he wanted. Fear and respect would surround him. Not pity, hate...

The door to SM_007's room slid open as Edge once again introduded without even going to the trouble to ring the buzzer. That was twice now. How much longer would he let it go? Edge, of course, was speaking, happy, as always, trying to tell SM_007 that he forgave him for being so angry when he was manhandled. He assumed, of course, that SM_007 was sorry. SM_007 looked over at Edge, and even though his mouth was moving, SM_007 heard no words. Edge was becoming impatient, most likely trying to see if SM_007 understood him. It was almost laughable. The only thing SM_007 heard now was the screams, the evahl calling out to him, asking him once again to rejoin them, to be one with them. Of course, no one else would possibly understand. Not even Edge, who had now given up trying to speak to SM_007, and was walking away.

And as Edge turned his back, the screams reached a climax, a crescendo. He knew what they wanted him to do in order to take them back, but SM_007 resisted for a few seconds which passed like an eternity. He tried to convince them about the years and years of knowledge, about love, and peace, and happiness. But they, as always, scoffed at these notions and, as they had done day in and day out, they told SM_007 where the real power lies, where order and balance is kept. He fell to his knees, and Edge came running back, grabbing at SM_007, yelling something and trying to help him. SM_007 could hear his own heartbeat rising, the voices, but not Edge. He seemed to slow down. Time seemed to slow down.

SM_007 opened his mouth, trying to tell Edge to leave. He wanted Edge to leave the room, because what SM_007 wanted more than anything else in the world right now was something which he would regret. Nothing came out of SM_007's mouth, though. Not a whisper, not a scream. He couldn't talk and he could not hear Edge, who looked very worried for his friend's health. Edge was tugging at SM_007, trying to pull him to his feet. SM_007 was lying on the ground now, and Edge was above him. SM_007 glanced, and saw that the door was open. Edge was close enough to the door that it remained open. There was a chance to escape.

A renewed purpose swept over SM_007 as he climbed to his feet, seeming alright. Edge watched to make sure his friend was okay. But as SM_007 got to his feet, he removed a silenced PP7 pistol, and held it up towards a shocked Edge, who's mouth gaped like a confused fish. SM_007 pointed his arms traight at Edge, and fired, as satisfaction filled the air. Edge, blood between his eyes, slumped down on the ground as pure glee began to warm SM_007. The voices were now quieter, content. In fact, the voices were only SM_007, he now knew. They were SM_007's most inner desires, manifesting themselves. And as Edge fell down, dead, he had accepted this truth. He put the PP7 back in its holster, and as calm as ever, began to walk towards the door to his quarters.

And then, it was over. SM_007 sat up, startled, in his bed. He immediately reached over to his side and turned on a lamp, and brushed his forehead on his arm sleeve. He was dripping with cold sweat, and realized that he must have been dreaming. Was it all a dream? No, no, the previous screaming had been real. Edge was still alive, though, and that was the important thing. SM_007 lied back down on his bed and rolled over. The pain in his mind had disappeared, and he had complete control over himself and his anger. His nightmare, or perhaps, desire, was only a window to show him what was possible. And as much as he enjoyed the content of his dream, he also hated and feared it. He would have to control himself. He'd have to. Everything was back to normal...and everything was calm.


SM_007
Virtue mine honour

(Post Box Storee) Rage - SM_007 - 2000-04-27 00:00:00
-Keen! - /Dev/Null - 2000-04-28 00:00:00
-sweet... now of course the only problem is the fact that SM is like going insane. - Tridus - 2000-04-27 00:00:00
--Yeah, well, I'll get around to it sooner or later. >:) - SM_007 - 2000-04-27 00:00:00