A Goon
I don't like getting drunk, being drunk, or waking up the next morning undrunk.
- elayne
I've been living in New Brunswick for 17.084 years.
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I have been released from the stasis field!

Author: SoulTaker ()
Date: 2000-04-15 00:00:00

As you may have noticed, I have not been around for the last two days. This was one of the side effects of a strange incident which happened this Friday...

I was sitting outside, in our garden, enjoying the sundown and a cup of mineral water. The bird sang his peaceful songs, and small animals (which I could not identify due to my limited knowlegde of biology) jumped around in the grass. A very relaxed evening, I enjoyed the peace and thought about the secrets of life and naked women. Suddenly, the bird stopped singing. I looked at the tree where it sat, and saw why. The bird was dead. As dead as... Something very dead. Blood began gulping from the open wound.

What fiend could have killed such an innocent animal? I turned back to the sundown, trying to ignore the sound blood, flowing from the bird. Gallon after gallon, the blood turned the grass red. I ignored it. But I should soon realize that this evening were not like every other evening.

"Thy bird hath fallen, young squire," a squeaky voice muttered from behind me.

"Nah," I thought. "It's just my imagination. Nobody speaks old english anymore. Especially not in Denmark." I continued my relaxation, and closed my eyes. I was tired from the long day of work.

"Follow thy road of destiny, young squire. Thou hath a long and harsh road in front of thee," the sqeaky voice spoke.

I ignored it. It could not be real.

"Alas, harsh roads are often followed by demonic folders of death. Thy road is long and harsh, but do not panic," the voice continued.

I opened my eyes. Was I going insane? I turned around, and to my suprise, a small creature stood behind me. Not larger than a mere thirty centimeters, it was not big. Small pointy ears and pink skin made it look like something from a comic book. It wore a metallic plate mail, covered with strange markings. Its large, looming eyes looked into mine.

I looked back.

"Who are you?", I asked the little creature, who had the courage to disturb my peaceful evening.

"Mine name is Ronald McDonald, the elven washing machine. Cometh with me, young squire."

I looked at the little creature in disbelief. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, the elf jumped forward. "Arth thee afraid of facing thy destiny?", the elf said, and laughed.

"No," I answered. "But I am not afraid of kicking your elven ass if you don't leave me alone soon."

The elf looked at me, examined my body. I looked back. Who was this 'elven washing machine', and why was he bothering me this beautiful evening? There was only one was to find out.

"Who are you, and why are you bothering me this beautiful evening?", I asked.

The elf smiled.

"I... Was once a proud member of the Riptide community..."
"No, you wasn't."
"Correct! This was a test of thy intelligence... And thee passed."

Suddenly, the elf jumped onto the chair. Shocked, I stood up.

"Search thy feelings.. thee know it to be true!"
"Uhh... What?"
"Do not tamper with mine patience, young squire! Answer the question!"
"But you didn't ask me a question."
"Very well. You hath passed the second test."

I looked at the horizon. "So now, can I go back to relaxing?", I asked, getting a bit frustrated by the elf's weird 'questions'.

"NO!", the elf yelled.

"Young squire, thy hath passed the two tests of intelligence... Thy are ready. Cometh with me."
"Whatever you say... But cut out the 'young squire' part, will you?"
"May I call you SoulTaker?"
"Anything but 'young squire'."

The elf frowned.

"Does 'young squire' satisfy thee so little that anything is better? Very well... If 'young squire' does not fit thee, I hereby dub thee... Runga-gunga the kitchen dweller!", the elf pronounced.

I closed my eyes. This could not be happening. "Just leave me alone," I sighed.

The elf looked to the ground, depressed.

"Very well... I will return, when thy arth ready. But before I leave this mortal world, I shall grant thee the gift of the gods... Two days in stasis."
"Runga-gunga, thy will be in stasis for two days. Then thy arth free to live on. Hopefully, thy will soon be ready to fulfill your destiny. To follow the long and harsh road of destiny.

The elf then disappared in a flash of light, and suddenly, I found myself inside a blue crystal, unable to move.

This Sunday, the crystal finally dematerialized, and I was free to move. I hope this has made you understand why I was absent for the last two days.

(In case you're wondering, all of the above is balderdash. The true reason why I was absent is that I was sick. But now I'm feeling better. I'm still a bit tired, though. But you probably figured that out after reading the story :P)


I have been released from the stasis field! - SoulTaker - 2000-04-15 00:00:00
-Of course. It all makes sense to me now. - SM_007 - 2000-04-15 00:00:00