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Daily Political Spotlights and Happenings Recap and Soundbites, by Political Analyst SM_007

Author: SM_007 ()
Date: 2000-03-02 00:00:00

*After the CNN logo disappears and the opening credits, showing flash images of the men campaigning speaking to large crowds of people and SM_007 eating out of a bucket of ice cream with his bare hands, are gone, the house lights come up and we see SM_007, wearing a fancy suit and tie, sitting behind a blue-ish silver desk, his hands crossed in front of him.*

SM_007: Good evening ladies and germs, and welcome to Political Thoughts with me, your host, SM_007. We have a pretty special show planned out today, as we not only have a head-to-head interview planned with Tridus and Sid6.9, the leading campaigners during this election, but I am also being told that I will have a short telephone conference with Edge, another respected member of the community. But now, let us take a look at Tridus, Edge and Sid6.9, and what they bring to the table in this mad election race.

*SM_007 turns slightly, looking into another camera, as a large picture of Tridus appears on the right side of the screen. In the photo, Tridus is seen hugging a laptop as tears of jow roll down his face.*

SM_007: Tridus is one of the most respected members of this community, and a proven hard worker. As if these early advantages weren't enough, Tridus has gone on somewhat of a crusade, exposing the other people running and revealing their dark sides for everyone to see. Doing this, Tridus is hoping to elevate himself to the point where he can show the world that he is not only the best man at what he does, but he is also perhaps the only decent human being running in the election. Tridus' platform basically says that if he is elected, he will continue to put forth upstanding service in the demanding field of writing code and scripts for better forums everywhere. This dedication has already brought him a lot of support.

*SM_007 turns again, sighs for a moment, and then smiles again, wiping some sweat from his brow. After Tridus' picture disappears from the screen, a picture of Sid6.9 appears. In the photograph, Sid6.9 is kicking an old lady in front of a speeding bus with a diabolical expression. In the back of the photograph, two henchmen are restraining (read: severly beating) pedestrians.*

SM_007: Sid6.9. The mere mention of this man's name sparks controversy, and that's just the way he likes it. Charismatic and perhaps a little brash, Sid6.9 is used to getting his way and eliminating those who attempt to oppose him. His loud, cocky and sometimes violent nature has led this suspected mafia leader to have quite a cult following among those who would rather be loyal to him then oppose him. Many of his old political enemies have mysteriously disappeared, and the police have yet to file an investigation into the thousands of government authorities whom have not surfaced as of yet. Sid6.9's platform mainly constitues him demanding that the citizens of this community vote for him...or else. However, he has gone on the record publically disapproving of the methods which Tridus uses to moderate the Project Sigma Forum, and has also questioned just how trustworthy Tridus is. Is this the proverbial pot calling the kettle black? Sid6.9 would disagree, as he has that Gofather-ish way of making himself out to be a benevolent dictator who cares deeply for each and every poster in this forum.

*SM_007 falls out of his chair, out of breath, and quickly climbs back up into it, and takes a swig of bottled water. He gulps down the water and continues as a picture of Edge appears on the screen. In the picture, Edge is seen strangling kewerky, and most people recognize the photograph from a few days ago, when kwerky continued to make incorrect guesses at the "R" teaser graphics.*

SM_007: Edge has been quite the up-and-comer in this election. Since Edge doesn't have as much headway as Tridus or Sid6.9, he is perhaps the largest potential sleeper opponent of the two leading men in this election. His platform is based around his threats that if he is not elected as President, he shall quickly eliminate future Project Sigma "R" teasers, and never finish the graphics for the new site at all, crippling this community's foundation. Most analysts who are not as educated or intelligent as me have guessed that this is due to Edge's knowledge that his only shot at becoming President is to make petty threats to destroy his own work. They might be right. However, whether or not his platform is a morally correct one, it is undeniably effective, as Edge has quickly turned a lot of heads his way in the election race. Will his "Vote for me or lose it all" campaign be successful? We will definitely see in coming days!

*SM_007 falls out of his chair once again, as a team of EMTs quickly rush the room. Someone yelling "Clear!" a few times can be heard below the desk, and finally, after a few long moments, SM_007 jumps to his feet, straightens his suit, and sits down as the EMTs shrug and leave the stage. On the monitor, a smaller caption of Edge appears, with the words "On the line..." beside it.*

SM_007: Well, speak of the Devil himself, we now have Edge on the line, who is here to tell us more about his platform and what he proposes to do once he is elected. You there, Edge?

Edge: Yes, I am, SM_007! Coming in loud and clear! It's great to hear from you again!

SM_007: Thank you. Edge, are the rumours true that you are a big jerk who is threatening to take his graphics back if not elected because he knows it's the only way he will only get elected?

Edge: Yes, they are, SM_007. But think about this, for a moment: What would happen if my teasers were missing for more than two days?

SM_007: Well, I'd imagine that immediate anarchy would ensure, resulting in people cracking each other's heads open and feasting on the goo inside.

Edge: Exactly. The results would be disastrous, and... HEY! YOU GET OUT OF HERE!

*A loud buzzing noise and evil laughter can be heard in the background of the phone, as Edge screams.*

SM_007: Edge? What's wrong? Is everything okay? Edge? EDGE?! What's that loud noise?

*The phone goes to static, and then goes off the line altogether. SM_007 turns to the camera with a gastly look on his face. He quickly smiles, though, and regains his composure.*

SM_007: Well, folks, we had some, um, technical difficulties there. Nonetheless, we have both Sid6.9 and Tridus waiting in the next room for an interview.

*SM_007 walks into another set, with three comfy chairs in a triangle formation, and SM_007's chair in the middle. He sits down, as two more men in suits make their way from opposite sides of the screen. One man is smoking a cigar and wearing dark shades, and is also accompanied by two large men in tuxedos, who are cracking their nuckles. The other man looks average, and waltzes out, waving to the audience before leaping energetically into his seat. The sinister man also sits down, but does so very slowly, staring at the happy fellow the entire time.*

SM_007: Well, we can see a little tension here, as I welcome my guests, Tridus and Sid6.9!

*The audience gives a round of applause. Suddenly, Sid6.9 stands up and whispers something to his henchmen. They immediately start throwing bundles of dollar bills into the audience, who frantically try to catch whatever they can.*

Tridus: That's not fair!

*Sid6.9 just ignores him.*

Sid6.9: It's good to be here, SM_007, and it sure is nice to see you again. In fact, it's nice to see each and every one of you fine folks in the audience. Heck, I wish I could see the millions of viewers in their comfortable homes as we speak. I love each and every one of them.

Audience: Awwwwww...

Tridus: Yes, well, I just wanted to say that *I* love each and every person here as well!

Audience: BOO!!!

Random Audience Member: Bah, what a follower! He doesn't love us! He never gave us money!

Audience: YEAH!

Tridus: But all I have on me right now is fifty bucks!

Random Audience Member: Well, fork it over!

*Tridus sighs and hands his wallet to the audience, and then walks back and slumps down in his chair. The audience rips into his wallet and immediately fight over the small amount of cash.*

Sid6.9: Heh heh, I guess Tridus just isn't fit for the job, heh heh heh.

*The audience cheers as Tridus quietly stares at Sid6.9 with insane rage.*

SM_007: Well, let's settle down now and get right to the questions. Tridus, if you are elected, what new innovations could you bring to the community?

Tridus: Well, that's simple SM_007. With my abilities in the field of coding and scripting, I could quite easily--

*Suddenly, Tridus' statement is interrupted by a large whizzing/buzzing sound and maniacal laughter.*

SM_007: Hey! I recognize that sound! It's the same sound from the phone call, when--

*Suddenly, Psycho Sam! barges into the set, brandishing a chainsaw and sporting a demonic grin. He immediately tries to cut Tridus in half, who leaps out of the way, forcing Sam! to only cut part of the chair Tridus was sitting on. Tridus, Sid6.9 and Sid6.9's goons all run out of the room, as SM_007 sits in his chair, shocked. Psycho Sam! then runs into the audience, and tries to cut THEM, too. They all run off in a mad frenzy as Psycho Sam! laughs demonically.*

Psycho Sam!: Remember to vote for Psycho Sam!, people! Don't vote for facism! Hahahaha...

*Psycho Sam! runs out of the set, which is now completely void of human life. The camera goes back to SM_007, who immediately throws the bottle of whiskey he was drinking behind his chair.*

SM_007: Well, folks, that was...an interesting...thing. Huh. Be sure to...um...come back tomorrow, yeah. We will take a more in-depth look into Psycho Sam! and other up-and-coming people running for the election, like Strider, otherwise known as cRaZy MoRoN. I can't wait. No. Really. I can't wait. Um... Be sure to come back tomorrow. Until then, good evening and good night and all that jazz.

*SM_007 slumps back in his chair as the house lights dim, and the ending credits roll.*


Daily Political Spotlights and Happenings Recap and Soundbites, by Political Analyst SM_007 - SM_007 - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
-oh my... - Tridus - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
--As do I... - Edge - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
---umm excuse me? - Tridus - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
----My response... - Edge - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
-----Political double speak... - Tridus - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
------Well... - Edge - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
-------I think everyone in here deserves the truth. - Tridus - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
--------YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! - Edge - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
---------Re:YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! - Tridus - 2000-03-02 00:00:00
----------Really?.... - Edge - 2000-03-02 00:00:00