A Goon
1-800-gogoons: For when second in line just isn't good enough.
- Hired Goons
Liz and I have been together for 17.663 years. Yay us!
Modified: August 09 2006.
Hits: 8328361/12207929
User: Anonymous Coward
Time: 0.01 seconds.

Read Message

(LONG AND THEREFORE IMPORTANT POST BOX STOREE) Fun with radioactive, dangerous chemicals, kids!

Author: SM_007 ()
Date: 2000-03-21 00:00:00

[Scene: Just outside of the large, chemical nuclear plant at the edge of town.]

*Our heroes have gathered outside, with Psycho Sam! holding a vacuum with a very long, large tube. The vacuum is made out of a steel-like compound. Tridus is using Sashie to check out the best routes in and out of the power plant, while Psycho !Mas shivers nervously and SM_007 just looks bored.*

SM_007: So, why didn't that Mystery fellow want to come along for this harmless adventure?

Psycho !Mas: Harmless?

Tridus: Oh, he didn't want to leave his office for some reason. He seems to be pretty scared. When I tried to check in on him and find out what's wrong, he had the door completely locked and baracaded.

Psycho !Mas: Harmless?!

SM_007: Well, that's unfortunate, Tridus. Shouldn't someone stay with him if he is really freaked out?

Psycho !Mas: HARMLESS?!

Tridus: Pipe down, !Mas, we are trying to have a conversation, here.

SM_007: Yeah. Why are you shaking, anyway? Sam! here told me that you people steal radioactive waste all of the time and that's it's commonplace to fill the buildings over evil aliens with this ooze in order to flush them out. Right, Sam!?

*Psycho Sam! just laughs nervously and looks around at the other guys while continuing to set up his vacuum which will bring the green ooze-like stuff through a tube that stretches across town.*

Tridus: Now, Sam!, what have I told you about taking advantage of SM_007 in his weakened state?

Psycho Sam!: Yeah, yeah. Hey, looks like we're ready to roll! Lemme just test this baby out, first!

*Psycho Sam! pushes a button on his vacuum, and it flies upwards and through the window, into the fifteen-foot high, round tank and falls in, sinking and melting its way towards the bottom.*

Psycho Sam!: Whoops, wrong button.

Psycho !Mas: Well, mission failed. We'll have to abort. Let's go.

*Psycho !Mas tries walking away, but instead Psycho Sam! grabs him by his collar and doesn't let go.*

Psycho Sam!: Not so fast, !Mas. Hey, that rhymed! Now where was I?

SM_007: Uh, we need to find another way to get the radioactive green guck out of that large tank.

Tridus: I know a way. Sashie!

*Sashie beeps.*

Tridus: Sweetie, make daddy vacuum thingie like Sam! had, with a tube that can stretch far enough to reach across town, right into that bad man Orazath's lair, okay?

Sashie: Okay, daddy!

*Psycho Sam! taps SM_007 on the shoulder, in the meantime, and whispers in his ear.*

Psycho Sam!: Hey, why does that thing call him "daddy," anyway? Isn't that a bit weird?

SM_007: You mean, you don't know?

Psycho Sam!: Well, do you?

*SM_007 laughs quietly.*

SM_007: I lost my memory. I just figured everyone else knew but me.

Psycho Sam!: Well?

SM_007: Well what?

Psycho Sam!: Aren't you going to ask about it?

SM_007: Me? Why me?!

*They notice that Tridus is ready to go and about to stand up with the hose.*

SM_007: Fine, fine! I'll ask him when we are inside, afterwards.

[Scene: Later, and inside the power plant, standing on top of a steel girder.]

*Our heroes are now in a dilly of a pickle. They are on top of an old girder, which is making creeking noises as they walk across it. Nothing is there to protect them from falling into a large tank filled with radioactive goo stuff below, which IS only about twenty feet below where they are. They are all stepping cautiously, as Psycho Sam!, now near the middle of the fourty or so feet-long girder, is slowly lowering the hose into the green waste.*

Psycho !Mas: Why do I let you guys talk me into these things?

SM_007: Look at me! I have no idea who I am, who you guys are, or what the heck I am doing here!

*Suddenly, Sashie goes flying out of Tridus' arms, and then swings upwards into the air, only a foot away from a large chain which is swinging behind her.*

Tridus: NO!

Psycho !Mas: What the...?

*As !Mas finishes that line, a Dark Templar decloaks, laughing. He has swung his way onto another girder just some odd feet away from them, and slightly above where they are. He is holding Sashie, teasing to drop her into the green toxic waste below.*

Tridus: You sumbitch! hand her back this minute, you PRICK! I'LL--

Orazath: You'll what? Kill me? You'll do exactly what I say, or your laptop gets it.

Tridus: If you drop that laptop, so help me God, I'll--

Orazath: Again, I reiterate - you'll go exactly what I want for you to do.

Psycho Sam!: Geez, forget the damn laptop! You can get a new one!

Tridus: You don't understand! We can't let that laptop die!

Sashie: Don't worry, daddy, I'll take care of it...

Psycho Sam!: Why? Why is that laptop so important to you?

*In the meantime, Sashie has emitted another EMP wave, causing the Dark Templar to growl and then throw her down towards the waste.*

Tridus: Sam!, I don't have time to explain it right now!


*Tridus looks over and sees Orazath drop Sashie in angry, and sees Sashie scream, yes, scream, as she is falling towards the ooze. The Dark Templar holds his head. Being so close to Sashie when she set off the EMP caused his head to spin, so he is trying to stay on his girder at the moment.*

*Tridus has tears in his eyes, knowing it's too late to save the laptop. SM_007, however, seeing Tridus' mere dedication to this object and his attempt to convince Sam! of its importance, once again used his instincts which made him a great agent in the first place. He noticed that the large steel chain which Orazath has swung on to get where he is, has swung back behind their location, and is now heading right back where he is. He grabs a hold of it and swings downwards, arching towards the green goo at an incredibly fast speed, but is undeterred. With an ability he never even knew he had, he swings down in time to grab Sashie, and swing back up, and land safely on the other girder, where a dizzy Orazath is.*

Sashie: Yay! That was neat!

Orazath: Damn you! Only the Protoss have speeds and skill that advanced!

*SM_007 is also dazed, realizing now what he just did without a moment's hesitation.*

SM_007: I...I don't...know how I did that.

*Orazath's alien eyes grow wide.*

Orazath: You...you are...you're one of...of...

*A shotgun blast interrupts this little conversation. Orazath groans and falls sideways into the green ooze, screaming mentally on the way down, causing head pain for the our heroes, who all squint in agitation. After a moment, and after Orazath has fallen into the toxic waste and dissolved instantly, SM_007 looks over and sees Psycho Sam! holding a cocked shotgun.*

Psycho Sam!: There. Finally. Now we can get back to work.

SM_007: Goddammit, Sam!, you're an idiot! He looked into my eyes and saw something! He was about to tell me something! I don't know what, but something! How could you just--

Psycho Sam!: Oh, would you quiet down and quit whining for once? He had you right where he wanted you! Besides, Tridus got his stupid laptop back and you're alive and the bad guy is dead AND we can finish this! I'd expect some courtesy!

*SM_007 grabs onto the large chain and starts swinging his way back to the girder, clutching Sashie.*

SM_007: Sam!, I just did something incredible and I might never be able to do that again unless I find out how I just...just... Damn, I can't even explain it! I just let go, and did what needed to be done when I saw that Sashie was going to die.

Tridus: Yeah, you moved damn fast. I've never seen anyone move like that. Weird.

Psycho Sam!: Sorry to interrupt this heroic feat, but DIE? Sashie would have DIED? Hello, she's a laptop!

Tridus: ...

Psycho Sam!: What? Just because you programmed her to call you "daddy?" Because she think you are her daddy? Because you call her "sweetie?" I could write a program that does that, too!

Tridus: Enough! I didn't program ANYTHING!

*Psycho Sam! is dumbfounded. He sighs, and then shakes his head.*

Psycho Sam!: You crazy kids'll never learn anything, will you?

*Tridus has tears in his eyes as he hugs Sashie. He speaks over his shoulder to SM_007.*

Tridus: Thanks, SM. What you did was really great.

SM_007: Yeah, well, hey, that's cool, thanks. I really don't know what happened, though.

*SM_007 looks at the steel girder where Orazath was standing, sighs, and ponders.*

Psycho Sam!: Well?! What's with your laptop?

Tridus: She's...my daughter.

Sashie: Yeah, mister meanie! My daddy! You made daddy cry!

Tridus: Nono, Sashie, that's okay.

Psycho Sam!: This is too weird.

Tridus: It's a long story. But she is my daughter. The real life embodiment of my daughter's personality. C'mon, I will have to explain it later, and I am too drained right now, as is Sashie from that EMP wave. And I have a feelin' that SM_007 has some thinkin' to do.

*They here someone blow his nose, and look over to see Psycho !Mas with a napkin.*

Psycho !Mas: That's beautiful, man. That's beautiful. I always cry when things like this happen.

Psycho Sam!: Oh brother. Let's just get out of here. I can't take much more of THIS love-in.

*They all begin to carefully walk back across the girder, Sam! holding the tube and vacuum, and dragging them both towards the the stairs from where they came.*

We may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us.

(LONG AND THEREFORE IMPORTANT POST BOX STOREE) Fun with radioactive, dangerous chemicals, kids! - SM_007 - 2000-03-21 00:00:00
-wheeeee! - Tridus - 2000-03-21 00:00:00
--SM Revealed - The Lord DebtAngel - 2000-03-21 00:00:00